Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
