After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
