Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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