Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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