if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
