oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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