how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
