I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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