My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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