apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
