Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
