At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
