youre lurking in front of me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
