I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
