I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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