dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
