Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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