what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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