i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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