The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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