Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
