My room smells like vodka and shame
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
