My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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