We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
