porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
