I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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