I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
