He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
