In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you had me at cake vodka
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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