Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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