well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
