remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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