Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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