Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish i was in the wii world.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Found the puke drawer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
