Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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