I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
