I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
