And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
