That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
