You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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