im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have feelings that need drinking.
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