Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
