I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
