So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
