My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he told me I talked like a deaf person
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
