maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
