first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
