i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize