very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
