We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
