Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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