We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
