Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just want nice things and good sex
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
