Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
