she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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