JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
