We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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