I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
