i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
