god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
my liver is dry heaving
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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