So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
