fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
