I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
