if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Randomize
