i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
