actually, I'm a sock model
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
