Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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