I could make wine with my vomit
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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