I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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