woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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