My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
