I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
