just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
