She is in my trunk
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
