is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
