My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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