so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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