I love black thongs
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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