I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
