dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
