I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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