Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize